I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
