What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
