guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
