I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
