I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
