she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize