You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
