Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize