I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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