she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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