I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
