I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I understand Curling. That high.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
