i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
