Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
