my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
