So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
