he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
