How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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