I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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