you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
