yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
