Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
