Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
