i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He has the fingertips of a God
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