You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize