clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
