my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
