it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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