I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
