She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
