i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
