i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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