I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have fence marks all over my body
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
