Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
