Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
