so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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