in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
