She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
