Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
