Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
