Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
