FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
