I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
