Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
