Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
