It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
