Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
