We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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