you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
