I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
