Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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