Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
