my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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