She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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