um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
