everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
