What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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