My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
