Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
