you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
