I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
