I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
