i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
