need another drink. this is the easiest way
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
