i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
