somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
