I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
