I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
