What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
